Where I've Been
The initial purpose of this blog was never intended to be a reality show. Whether in the form of gossip or to prattle on about my life or my own personal psychology. The idea was to highlight the concepts Jung reveled in discovering and discussing in the later years of his life; the microcosmic and macrocosmic connections of the human psyche and the history of mythology as told through the stars, repeated in the energetic connections we experience day to day. But as my focus was quickly shifted from online journals or social media to actively reading for clients and customers, my own psychology has been highlighted back to me in the situations, friendships, and people I've encountered since actively pursuing this practice full time. The past year or so has been a powerful reflection that shows teachers, aspiring or seasoned, always have something to learn from that reflection we see in the collective, no matter how much we may feel removed from them.
As some may know me from my youtube channel a few years ago, I used to be something of an investigative journalist which ultimately lead me down the path I'm on today. Not that I'm any less immersed in those topics, but a higher purpose called to me beyond covering the dirt behind the soap opera that's possessed the mainstream political and pop cultural narrative since long before even my parents were born. Discovering the occult teachings behind these stories we see in the media, sensationalized and weaponized into hypnotic propaganda, in itself revealed the polar opposite of the doomsaying and the blackpilling, the demoralizing and the defeating. That there was a light within the perceived darkness and at least a deeper method of understanding the confusing world around us and it was hidden within plain sight. For all the sensationalized Satanism I'd watched in films and read in stories since I was a little kid, Wickerman nor Suspiria made the magick clear. It was years later in my own research that everything in essence could be, and already had been, etched into the stars. All archetypes and energies boiled down to their basic themes and motifs, and ultimately, the beats of every story. Their cycles and conclusions reenacted, recreated, and revered for thousands of years with all but the most basic, cursory knowledge within this profoundly ancient technology is completely lost on the average person. At the time, that included myself.
So, I took an absence from youtube, social media, and politics altogether. In that time, the process of self initiation took my focus, as described in Lyam Thomas Christopher's excellent Kabbalah Magic & The Great Work, which itself is a repackaging summary of the primary teachings of The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, arguably the foremost cited and recognized secret society of the last few centuries. The idea of "self initiation" may sound pedantic but the concept of an ethereal, spiritual, even mystical "school" was appealing to me, with the benefits of elevating your material circumstances seen as just an added bonus. But the practice goes well beyond simple research. Once the work begins, the universe hears your call and the world around you shifts just slightly enough so you know your prayers are answered. Then the challenges really begin. Trials, tribulations, tests from God, however mundane or grandiose they might manifest for you, your personal demons will be reflected back. In essence, this ultimately became something of a specialty in this profession for me, we call this in particular Shadow Work; when the light is shone on your inner self, the shadow becomes so great one has no choice but to face it head on.
One of my personal favorite points in Christopher's book covers this very subject. His chapters on the sephiroth Tiphareth, symbolically connected to the Sun, represents among many things our authentic self expression and our ability to authentically self express. What this connects deeply to within the practice of self initiation, the practice of activating all our personal aspects (or planets), is reflected back to us with the individuals and situations we attract, especially during our initiation phase. It's said upon activating this sephiroth, or if you're born into a life where you've chosen to incarnate to discover your own ego and illumination, you become hyper-aware of and begin to attract not authenticity, but instead extreme inauthenticity. This challenge is brought with the hyperawareness of performative expression versus the genuine self; performance begins to appall you and you see clearly where these individuals stifle their own truth to keep up appearances, whether that's staying with a stagnant job that crushes their creativity or staying with a toxic partner because it's familiar. You may even attract those whose entire public persona is a falsehood to hide their truth, from a stern stoic who's quietly crying for help to a boastful businessman who remains emotionally unsatisfied. The world is full of inauthentic people. And in my time as a practicing astrologer, the beginning of my career has been highlighted with this theme. So in a sense, beginning this page has initiated my practice further while also initiating others.
"Initiation" does not necessarily have to be synonymous with a blood oath to some secret society. The etymology of 'initiation' is shared with the word 'ignition,' relating the practice to the element of fire, the first step of creation. Much like the strike of a match, the spark of creation, or the combustion of an engine, our initiation is in fact the ignition to the rest of our lives, setting ablaze our path and opening us to a more charmed life, so to speak. And much like the element of fire, without anything to temper it or to carry the flame, it can quickly burn out before it can truly shine. In my time of practice I've seen my share of those 'initiates' who burned out too quickly, whose fire burned too brightly or chaotically, and the reflection resulted in retreat. Without a doubt, each one of these individuals carry this experience with them forever but many choose to stay within the comfort of egoic performance. For myself, seeing this in others, friends and clients alike, is internalized as emotional weight that I felt compelled to absorb (my Pisces moon). It was only around my dozenth or so chart reading since making this page did I make that connection and see where I wasn't living up to my own truth in my world. This is where I was before I began my journey into astrology, attempting to balance a career I felt enslaved to with a deeply esoteric practice.
This is where I've been since my last posts here, in my head and in the heads of others witnessing an unwitting reflection I was told would be all but obvious within the relationships of others and here I was so focused on the little details that I was neglecting the bigger picture both within and without. Even teachers still have much to learn and sometimes the only way we can learn it is through our students or through people who come to us for help. Sometimes it's help we didn't realize we needed. So this post is something of a thank you to the clients I've had the pleasure of working with over the last year. Thank you all for showing me exactly what I needed to continue to observe within myself and for helping me understand this is exactly the path I'm meant to be on.
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