The Karmic Wheel of Chiron

 

"The wheel of incarnation is the basis of astrological study.

Understanding that we're all here to learn lessons from different perspectives,

that no one has it truly better than the other,

we can begin to actively heal the karmic bonds we're born to face. "

                                                                             

 In astrology, the asteroid Chiron which sits between Saturn and Uranus represents the area of life we experience deep subconscious wounds and emotional hurt. In mythology, Chiron was a centaur abandoned by his mother who saw him as a beast. (As we know, astrologically the mother is represented by The Moon and the sign of Cancer.) Chiron overcame this pain of early abandonment, neglect, and rejection and transmuted it into incredible skill with medicine and academia, becoming a renowned healer and teacher of the gods. We can translate this easily to our own daily life, using the motivational energy of our trauma instead of descending into despair, to heal others from suffering the same wounds. The key shaped symbol of Chiron denoting that our wounds hold the key to incorporating our lessons in this lifetime to move from old, painful cycles. The practice however is a bit trickier to put into action and often times is so buried within our subconscious we may not even be aware of its existence.

When we look to our repeated patterns of toxic relationships, recurring negative thoughts of ourselves and others, or chronic misfortune in certain circumstances, we can look to Chiron's relationship with other planets and aspects to see what these cyclical events subconsciously are attempting to teach us. There is always a pattern, a lesson meant to be learned from the circumstances we find ourselves in, especially as they present themselves time and time again. 

 We all bear this wound and it may not be something we're ready to face in this lifetime until we've matured into the themes represented in the rest of our natal charts, often not being fully understood until Chiron makes its return around the age of 50 where these lessons and wounds will hit us the hardest. 

It manifests in many different ways but always in the form of a persistent debilitation learned early on in childhood. For some it's such an engrained, unconscious pattern that to attempt mention of it may be met with denial or confusion. For others it can be a known daily struggle they have yet to truly uncover the reason for. Whatever house and sign Chiron may fall in is the area of life where a person will feel its effects. It may be loss, lack, humiliation, or addiction. What may traumatize us may seem mundane to another, what may cause us the most grief may be scoffed at by someone else. The "triggers" of one's anxiety can seem miniscule compared to ours but therein lies the nature of healing, these triggers being fundamental to our reason for our experience. The soul's purpose and karmic ties are secured firmly in one's Chiron placement. Cutting those ties and ascending beyond our debilitations means facing whatever challenges Chiron has to teach us.

For instance, a Chiron in Virgo makes for the archetypical neurotic perfectionist, whether it is with their own selves or other people, their creative output or the creative expression of others, nothing is never quite good enough. Objects of beauty may be left to scrutiny and criticism until nothing remains, especially in the case of their own beauty, resulting in little ownership of their own pleasure and sense of love, whether platonic or otherwise. This wound will not heal until one accepts their ego's idea of perfection (that is often internalized into deep self criticism, seeking perfection before action) may never truly exist and beauty comes inherently with imperfection. 

A Chiron in Leo placement conversely may manifest as someone whose creative output or creative expression is never truly accepted in the way they desire. Their efforts may go unnoticed or they won't allow themselves to be illuminated in the spotlight until they feel their idea of perfection is achieved. They may have visions of fame and admiration, they may in fact receive it, yet it will never match their egoic expectation of what that validation may bring, thus the satisfaction is always fleeting if present at all. Outside validation may never come so they're tasked with being the very acceptance of themselves they seek from others. As cliche as it may be, The Wizard of Oz showcases this aspect perfectly; the missing piece of the self which each of the characters sought externally through their journey was in fact within them all along. 

A recent client of mine had a very difficult placement for their Chiron to be in. Chiron in Cancer making their chart's harshest square to her New Moon conjunct Mars in Scorpio. On its own Mars conjunct the Moon can be a boastful placement, one of charismatic charm and ambition, especially if it resides at home in a fire sign. Many singers, frontmen and women, and natural born leaders find themselves with this placement. In the chaotic, intensely emotional waters of Scorpio, however, this aspect can harbor resentment, be prone to manipulation, and be completely controlled by their fiercely powerful impulses.  I immediately honed in on this particular aspect once I received this individual's birth information and their accompanying question to their reading; "Should I kill myself?"

We conversed back and forth through messages and their hyperbolic question was an obvious cry for help. The very first thing this particular aspect to this particular conjunction brought to mind is the powerful relationship between one's drive for independence and self certainty clashing with an overbearing mother. I asked what the relationship with their mom was like and they responded "Oh, if I don't kill myself, I'll kill her." Yikes. "Well I won't kill her but I hate her and honestly I'd like to know why our relationship sucks, can you help?"

How could I say no?

This individual's aspect was marked by parental confrontation even without her words explaining such. Conflict in the home was a recurring theme again and again in this person's 33 years. The child of a single mother, these two were essentially connected at the hip yet resented every minute of it. Pictures shared with me on social media indicated a close, almost inseparable relationship with their mother.  Vacations, dinners, travel photos, all smiles and hugs. But in private, in their eyes their mother wasn't just the biggest obstacle, she was the only obstacle in their way to self fulfillment. Overbearing, possessive, emotionally co-dependent, while manipulative, unstable, and demeaning. When they weren't together, the subject of conversation without fail always came back to her mom, whether in reverence or burning hatred. If only they could be free of their mother's golden handcuffs they could spread their wings and fly. And yet this person was financially dependent on them and could see no way of escaping their torment and most certainly had no time for caring for anything outside of themselves. Mom, on the other hand was a Scorpio Sun, Mars, and Rising. As Scorpio rules over other people's assets, other people's money and resources, and this individual's moon (mother) is facing conflict and confrontation by their drive for independence, it shines a painful light on their wound in the sign of the mother, the very wound Chiron is named after.

The abandonment, neglect, abuse, and pain caused by the over or under nurturing these individuals with a Cancerian Chiron face shapes how they in turn nurture those around them, either by smothering the same way or rejecting their maternal side entirely. To someone with Chiron in Cancer, regardless of the way they were parented in reality, whether it was or wasn't as traumatizing as they detail, they feel it wasn't enough. The circumstances could manifest as an abusive home or domestic violence or it could come in the form of an unfortunately neglectful parent, one too busy taking care of finances to focus on the emotional support their child needs who then turns to some form of escapism. We see psychologically how these elements are put into place and how we're faced with the challenges that seem catered to us like some sort of personalized Hellish realm. Being financially dependent on the one person you resent the most. Her repeated pattern of confrontation with the perceived source of her persistent emotional sore in the form of their neglectful mother only served to rub salt in the wound as they refused to accept the root of their chronic anguish; the inability to empathize and forgive.

As we know from Chiron's placement around the zodiacal wheel, what we seek to save us from our pain is exactly what we need to illuminate within ourselves so we can be free of the perceived suffering. Neglecting it and allowing that pain to fester builds blockages throughout our psyche which eventually manifests physically, keeping us in a lower vibration, and causing us to descend further into what we could call madness. This madness, however is not a loss of sanity but instead a perpetual state of intense negativity, the absence of light, only reacting to our most base impulses to seek some semblance of security. Violence, sex, addiction, deceit, all responses to preserve what little ego may be left to preserve in an attempt to keep that initial wound from being open again. Once that becomes the brain's reward center for successful deflection, these patterns crystalize and solidify into the detrimental paths we see in the most unfortunate of humanity. Those who succumb, letting this internalized resentment and anger build into an explosion of chaotic destruction as that energy has nowhere to go, like a dam ready to burst. 

Thank the heavens she was able to find that light within herself once the protective shell of the ego's experience was cracked. A breakthrough came during a session when we discussed how their Mars/Moon conjunction aided to their feelings of isolation. This conjunction can cloud one's intuition, their receptivity to other people's needs and emotions, and manifest in an extreme lack of empathy, only seeing their own aggression during any heated confrontation. Not coincidentally, this conjunction is shared interestingly by many notable sports and athletic figures. The phrase "seeing red" may come from this conjunction as the striking red planet of war clashes with one's subconsciousness and intuition, resulting in a blind rage. Whatever little focus there is, is purely reactionary.

Once made aware of this it was as if a switch flipped. As simple as the solution may seem, to a person whose chronic pain revolves around these repeated patterns that only cause anxiety, stress, and depression, the answer may be more foreign and uncomfortable than the self imposed torment itself. This cycle can perpetuate itself into stagnation, never changing from the devil you know because it's far less intimidating than the devil you don't. Taking a step back and asking the self to observe the reaction before reacting upon it can be intimidating. But when the simple suggestion of compassion towards a mother figure that only did what she knew because of how she was raised was brought to attention, it was as if that cloud of red finally lifted. A pattern of generational resentment brought to at least a momentary halt and the higher vibration of this aspect revealed itself as the relationship was faced with enthusiasm and mutual compassion.

We didn't have many sessions after that breakthrough as I felt I shared all I knew with them at the time. Their primary takeaway was learning empathy for someone who before they had none, at the very least bringing relief to the uncomfortable bitterness that prevented them from seeing beyond their own anger and repeating a pattern their own mother had repeated with her mother. If nothing else the understanding of what their persistent challenges may be asking of them brought an awareness to the inherent ability they possessed to be the very empathy they felt had been lacking for them all their life. The result was they adopted a dog from a local shelter and now *they* are inseparable.

Subconsciously these blockages can lie undetected all our lives, but to bring them to the forefront of the consciousness, to break open the floodgates and allow that channel of energy to flow consciously is the first step to put those lessons into action. The pattern of abuse this person felt all their life, the perpetuated state of torment finally alleviated itself once that feeling of mercy and compassion replaced judgment, defensiveness, and confrontation. These darker aspects overshadowing the charming passion the highest vibrations of Mars and the Moon's energies conjoining at someone's birth. Wherever Chiron's placement may show up in our lives, it undoubtedly is asking us to step into what we're looking for externally. The acceptance, the nurturing we look for from others, the family or support or significant other we never had, we can be our own desire if not for the benefit of those in the world around us but for our own sanity and sense of self worth that we refuse to live in a state of lack and let it fester into a state of dis-ease.